Experts call Bush presidency worst disaster in nation’s history

>Archive - PWW Print Edition Archive - 2005 Editions - Sept. 10, 2005


 

Cost of damage estimated in the zillions

Four and a half years after he was first sworn in as president, experts in the field of disaster assessment today called the presidency of George W. Bush the worst disaster in the history of the United States of America.

The sober assessment came from the University of Minnesota’s Enormous Disaster Institute, which studies colossal disasters, both natural and man-made.

Dr. Lorraine Cresser, who heads the institute, said that university experts decided to place the current administration at the top of the nation’s list of huge disasters after assessing the damage the White House has caused over the past four and a half years, both at home and abroad.

“After taking a good look at the wreckage the Bush presidency has created, we would estimate the cost of the damage at somewhere in the mid to high zillions,” Dr. Cresser said.

Hours after the University of Minnesota released its findings, House Speaker Dennis Hastert said that given the high price tag, rebuilding the Bush presidency “doesn’t make sense to me.”

But hours later, the speaker backtracked somewhat, telling reporters, “Like most Republicans in Congress, I have been drinking very heavily for the past several days.”

Elsewhere, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said today that his department would intensify the search for those missing since Hurricane Katrina hit, including Vice President Dick Cheney.

Andy Borowitz writes a daily humor column at borowitzreport.com.