Cheney receives face transplant; now has three faces

>Archive - PWW Print Edition Archive - 2005 Editions - Dec 10, 2005


 

Unveils newest face on NBC’s ‘Meet the Press’

Vice President Dick Cheney received a face transplant over the weekend, bringing his total number of faces to three, a spokesman for Cheney confirmed today.

The vice president unveiled his latest face on Sunday on NBC’s “Meet the Press,” where his three faces were interviewed by host Tim Russert as well as correspondents David Gregory and Campbell Brown.

Russert said that he enlisted the help of Gregory and Brown because “once Dick Cheney’s three faces get going, it’s more than one journalist can handle.”

In his first television appearance with his newly transplanted face, the vice president indicated that he would use one face for talking to the American people, one face for talking to executives of the Halliburton Co., and one face for passing information to people he referred to as “secure and undisclosed members of the press.”

But even as Cheney debuted his new face, Democrats in Congress questioned whether the vice president’s face transplant was necessary, especially since it was performed at taxpayer expense.

“I think most of us agree that the last thing Dick Cheney needed was an additional pie hole,” said Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.).

In related news, Iraqi deputy Prime Minister Ahmad Chalabi announced that he, too, received a face transplant, bringing his total number of faces to either eight or nine.

Andy Borowitz writes a daily humor column at borowitzreport.com.